This past week was tough. Something happened to Memommy one night where she woke up and was unable to talk. It was then that I knew my worst nightmare was about to happen. During this past week she went from not talking to also not eating. My dad called hospice in and they began she stages of passing - and it was only a matter of time.
Thankfully the kids were able to come and see her and love her one last time. We all had our moments and that was so important for her and for us.
During this past week I was with her almost daily for a few hours in the evening. It took me away from my family, but I needed that time with her. I needed to see her, love her, sit with her, talk to her for a few last times, and somehow try to process what was happening.
On September 28th, Joyner took the kids to Blake's football practice and I headed back over to spend time with Memommy. Her breath was short and hard and she slept the whole time. I just knew it was coming soon. Dad sat in there with me for a little bit while we watched Memommy. We broke the silence by laughing at good memories - just the 3 of us. I told her how much I loved her and that it was ok. She had a little water droplet in her eye. It took everything in me to leave her that night, but I knew I had to.
A few hours later, dad called me and told me that she passed. She continued to sleep and she just stopped breathing...and that little droplet in her eye fell down her cheek. In that moment I lost my person. I lost my best friend, my role model, and the person that I loved most in the world - and who loved me most. It started the hardest phase of my life.
I have had to go back and write this post because it has taken me about two months to even get to this point where I could. Losing Memommy has been the hardest thing for me to process in my life. She lived a BEAUTIFUL life and she was SO loved. She was a SAINT for all that she did in her life. She and I spoke daily and told each other everything. For all those reason it was so hard for me to lose her. I still feel an empty void, a pain, a gap where she should be. I can't describe it - but I fully know now what it feels like to mourn. I don't even know how long it lasts, but there are still moments and days where I just cry.
If anything, it has made me realize how powerful it is to have someone like her in your life. I hope I can be that for my kids and my grandkids - even for Joyner! She makes me want to be a better person and I hope I can be that for her! I will cherish every moment I had with her.... not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have one more day with her.
