We went back to Hillridge this time for our pumpkins. Everyone picked a good one and we enjoyed all of our favorite things while there. Blake still loves this place every time and we are thinking that we need to get yearly passes for the kids next year so that they can enjoy the summer splashpad as well! We are so lucky to have Hillridge so close to us!
Kinsley had her little carnival at school. She LOVED the bouncy house and Blake loved the funnel cakes. It was so cute to have the kids playing and loving the little Fall traditions. Kinsley was NOT happy when it was time to leave, but tis is life with a toddler. One second they are on cloud 9 and the next second everything falls apart. HAHA!
Joyner knew after Memommy and Homecoming, that I needed a day away from everything. A day to escape and catch my breath. He planned a NC Fair day - we took the kids to school and we took off work and we just escaped. It was exactly what I needed to forget about life for a second...and eat my feelings with all the friend fair food! No regrets! I sure am grateful that I have him and that he was able to help me through this month!
After losing Memommy the last thing I want to do is my work Homecoming, but I don't have any other choice. It was the hardest week ever to get up, plan these events, and carry on... when all I want to do is hid in a corner and cry. Thankfully Joyner and a few work friends held me up and helped me carry on. It was all a successful week and I made it. My heart just wasn't there this year. This was also my first year doing Homecoming without Heather - it's just been a year....
This past week was tough. Something happened to Memommy one night where she woke up and was unable to talk. It was then that I knew my worst nightmare was about to happen. During this past week she went from not talking to also not eating. My dad called hospice in and they began she stages of passing - and it was only a matter of time.
Thankfully the kids were able to come and see her and love her one last time. We all had our moments and that was so important for her and for us.
During this past week I was with her almost daily for a few hours in the evening. It took me away from my family, but I needed that time with her. I needed to see her, love her, sit with her, talk to her for a few last times, and somehow try to process what was happening.
On September 28th, Joyner took the kids to Blake's football practice and I headed back over to spend time with Memommy. Her breath was short and hard and she slept the whole time. I just knew it was coming soon. Dad sat in there with me for a little bit while we watched Memommy. We broke the silence by laughing at good memories - just the 3 of us. I told her how much I loved her and that it was ok. She had a little water droplet in her eye. It took everything in me to leave her that night, but I knew I had to.
A few hours later, dad called me and told me that she passed. She continued to sleep and she just stopped breathing...and that little droplet in her eye fell down her cheek. In that moment I lost my person. I lost my best friend, my role model, and the person that I loved most in the world - and who loved me most. It started the hardest phase of my life.
I have had to go back and write this post because it has taken me about two months to even get to this point where I could. Losing Memommy has been the hardest thing for me to process in my life. She lived a BEAUTIFUL life and she was SO loved. She was a SAINT for all that she did in her life. She and I spoke daily and told each other everything. For all those reason it was so hard for me to lose her. I still feel an empty void, a pain, a gap where she should be. I can't describe it - but I fully know now what it feels like to mourn. I don't even know how long it lasts, but there are still moments and days where I just cry.
If anything, it has made me realize how powerful it is to have someone like her in your life. I hope I can be that for my kids and my grandkids - even for Joyner! She makes me want to be a better person and I hope I can be that for her! I will cherish every moment I had with her.... not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have one more day with her.
In August we started playing for the NW Saints. This is Blake's first year playing tackle football. There are things that he loves about it and things that he hates about it. He got the wind knocked out of him on a tackle early on and I think that has made him a little timid. He is scared of getting hurt - which I think is naturally for this age. He is one of the smaller and younger guys on the team, but I know he will catch on and do great things. Speed is his greatest asset. He loves being on Special Teams and is even one of the quarterbacks in rotation. I am looking forward to Fall football games for Blake!
Life is INSANE! And to be honest I am not sure that I am doing it well. I don't know if it is having two kids at different ages, or extra curricular activities, the fact that I am taking on more responsibilities, or what... but life is NON STOP INSANE for us. It is all good things, but it is always busy.
Then every now and then, there are moments that remind you that life is good and it is all going to be ok. This moment happened when I was sitting on the back porch watching Blake and Kinsley play and listening to their little laughs on the trampoline. Everything in the world just seemed right and ok. And I can live with that!
